11 years with the world as my church

The next 11 years go by, walking into and out of the path.

Some part of the path are littered with landscapes of depression, frustration and despair.
Others are bright and joyous bringing me closer to Him.

I had a long period of questioning The Bible and Jesus. God I always felt. But my tainted views of Christianity and the negative way I have seen God's people act led me to question if the stories in the Bible could be trusted.

The Bible is afterall a work of writings by Man, translated by other people, put in to a collection, with some writings left out and deemed apocrypha.
Am I really to believe that the Bible is PURE and THE word of God after 2000 years in the hands of sinners?

Through these years, I would continue to talk to God through meditation/meditative prayer. I would feel His presence, but either couldn't hear him, or couldn't understand what he had to say.

But, if I could feel him, I reasoned, I could not be lost. I could not be forsaken.

I believed that, at the very least, a man named Jesus lived 2000 years ago. This man, sparked a religious revolution that brought the world to God. But was what is in the Bible the 'God's Honest Truth"?

It's a matter of faith to believe that Jesus died for our sins. For 11 years, I didn't know. Worse, I didn't have faith.